On Hair, Age, and Professional Image

This past weekend, while visiting grad school town, I popped in to my old hair salon to say hi. Then, because I was long overdue for a cut, and I happened to be there, I asked if there was an appointment available. I didn't expect it, but there had been a fortuitous cancellation at precisely the right time, so I called it fate, plunked myself down in the chair, said "It's shaggy and messy and driving me nuts, and I don't want to go short-short, but other than that, I'll leave it up to your judgement." She took six inches off, and I walked out with shoulder-length hair that's much more manageable.

I also walked out with hair that, for the first time since about age 15, is my natural color -- a much darker shade than the one I've been sporting and maintaining (at great expense!) all my adult life.

Now, here is where it gets interesting (at least to me): I've been mulling the dye-it-natural transition for several years now, and for a reason that I find even more compelling than the expense: I've been starting to see some gray hairs (I am in my forties, after all). Not a lot, but not just the stray one every four months or so that marked my late thirties. And I dreaded the monthly maintenance that it would eventually require to keep myself from having a gray stripe down the middle of my head, come five or ten years down the road. So the plan has always been to dye it back to natural at some point, and just let the aging process happen.

But at least once when I shared this plan, I was met by something that could only be described as an intervention. Deep concern. Let me emphasize: This is a decision for me. I in no way disdain anyone else's choices to the contrary. I'm just tired of keeping up with it, and I'm thinking that this might be a nice way to ease myself into the second half of life. But I'm wondering how widespread the idea is that we, as women, should strive to not show our age, even in academia? Or is this just the product of the image-conscious place I live?

And do you think that going gray (which I anticipate will take plenty of time before anyone but me notices) has professional consequences for academic women in general?


UPDATE/CLARIFICATION (from one of my own comments, but I thought it bore repeating here): there are aging-related changes -- a new one every year, it seems -- that I'm emphatically NOT excited about. But at the rate of one a year, I've found I can adjust to each one before the next one hits. If/when they start coming more quickly, I may change my mind about this whole "aging" thing.

Writing Group is up!

Hello all! I'm out of town for the weekend, but week eight of the writing group is up!

More Conference Etiquette: Can you bow out?

Today, I received a query in the comments section of this older post on conference etiquette, and I thought it was relevant enough to deserve a post of its own:

While we’re on the subject of conference etiquette, I was wondering whether there is a lead time in terms of declining to attend a Conference after they give you a favorable acceptance letter based on the abstract you submitted? Or is this NOT an option at all and considered academic suicide?

Okey-doke. I'm going to give my take on this, but with the usual "your mileage may vary" caveat, and a request for my readers to chime in.

The short answer is: Try not to do this. The longer answer is: it varies. Here are some of the variables (and please note that these are based with my experience with U.S. conferences; other countries may have other unspoken rules):

1. If you have a serious medical situation, then people will understand. Or at least they should. Explain the situation, and be profuse with your apologies. If the conference rules allow, and you know a willing person, offer to provide a proxy to read your paper for you.
   
2. Some conferences have rules that specifically state that if you bow out after the program committee accepts you, you are barred from presenting for the next X number of meetings of that conference. Check that, and factor it into your decision.
3. If you bow out, it may not be "professional suicide," but you could get a reputation as someone who shouldn't be counted on (unless, of course, #1 applies), and you'll have to work to rebuild that reputation.
   
4. If your reasons are that you can't prove the thing you said you'd prove in your abstract, then write the paper that you can write. You won't be the first person to begin a talk by saying "My title states that I'd be talking about X. However, in the course of my research..." But if you do this, give the panel organizer & chair a heads-up (and an alternate title, if necessary) well in advance, so they don't look foolish.
   

In the end, it's all about professional courtesy. A cancellation (especially after the programs have been put together) will not doom a panel. But it will inconvenience the organizers, and if it's a competitive position, you may have taken up a spot for someone who could have used the opportunity. It is a thing to be avoided, if at all possible.

Readers?

Writing Group Week 7: Hitting the Reset Button

Welcome to week 7! Yes, I know it's technically ADM's week, but I realized that I was going to be out of town next weekend, so we did a swap: I've got this week, and ADM will take the next two, and then we'll be back on schedule.

Got it? Okay, good. So let's go:

Oddly enough, the topic for this week is exactly what it was last session at week 7: Goal resetting.

I was inspired by many of the comments from week six, in which many people realized that they'd been overly ambitious in setting their goals. Sometimes we need to push through to those hard goals if we've got a deadline, but sometimes it's worth re-evaluating what's possible to do, keeping in mind your other obligations.

So this is your chance to hit the reset button, if you want to, and reevaluate your goal for the 12-week session. Sit down, take stock, and let me know in the comments if you want a new goal for the session. Or, if not, maybe you want to use the comments to contemplate how you're going to approach the second half of the project to bring you closer to achieving your original goals. Is there something that's been holding you back that you can take care of so you move forward more smoothly?

And, of course, you should give your report, and your goal for next week.

For me? Well, I still need to finish that outline (and I'll check in to report that sometime on Friday). But then I need to devote the rest of the weekend to getting four other things (grading, a committee assignment, a newsletter, and an application for a course release) off my desk and out of my brainspace that I need clear to really move forward on the project. That's it. I get those done by Monday, and I can move forward.

Here we go!

• Amcalm25/AMChristensen [finish an article]: 20 minutes/day for at least 3 days of writing, esp. on stitching stuff together
• Amstr [revise and resubmit an article]: 1) type in changes to MS, 2) skim the research on two narrow topics, 3) write a brief lit review, 4) fiddle more with the intro, 5) attempt to incorporate secondary research into the article
• Another Damned Medievalist [write/revise a close-to-final draft of an article]: No project goals this week; focus on catching up on everything else so next week can be back to the project
• Antikate [revise a conference paper into an article & submit]: 30 minutes of writing every day
• Belledamesansmerci/Elizabeth [transform a conference paper into a journal article]: (no goal set for the week)
• Bitterandjaded/Bittergrrl [finishing a dissertation chapter]: Revise writing on this chapter into 20 pages for presentation on the 25th.
• Britomart [completing a draft of dissertation introduction]: Get 10 more pages of introduction to in-person writing group by Monday
• Cly(temnestra) [write a book chapter]: have a completed draft
• Contingent Cassandra [complete a full draft of a journal article]: Write on at least two weekday mornings
• Dame Eleanor Hull [complete a chapter of the article-turned-book]: Re-evaluate the various works in project to see which is going to be the most feasible to complete quickly
• Dr. Crazy [Finish a chapter draft begun this summer]: write 2 pages and compose an abstract for a project-related conference
• Erika [write a complete & final draft of an article already underway]: 350 words / day, and spend 30-60 minutes outlining, editing, or researching the article.
• Forthright [write two article-length pieces]: 1500 new words of writing to get article #2 in skeleton form
• Frogprincess [Final draft of the dissertation]: excused absence for high school reunion
• Good Enough Woman [write a solid draft of a dissertation chapter]: 1) freewrite 10 minutes M-F; 2) Read 50 pages of primary text; 3) Read 2 chapters of Descartes; 4) Skim a 90-page article to see if it contains anything of value.
• Gillian [3 chapters of my dissertation]: finish work on the first half of that chapter and get a cleanish draft done
• Heu Mihi [write paper for a faculty colloquium]: Convert part 3's notes into paragraphs; deal with German article. OR: Work for 3 hours on the talk.
• Highlyeccentric/nakedphilologist [Draft one thesis chapter]: Write every day (except Wednesdays) and attempt to finish off section 2
• Janice/jliedl [write a first draft of a chapter]: complete research reading in a few free hours on Monday and Tuesday
• Jennifer [finish writing a neglected article]: write 500 words each morning
• Katrin/StitchInTime [No goal for the project]: finish work on the first half of that chapter and get a cleanish draft done
• Luolin [finish and submit an article]: Read 2 1/2 articles. Take notes.
• Matilda [revise a paper into a journal article]: continue to review related literature; write1000 words of introduction; work on strengthening structure of the piece overall
• Monks and Bones [turn a seminar paper into an article]: 1) Reread seminar paper; 2) Keep working on the data to the extent necessary; 3) Write up a page of musings on what the article is going to look like on at least three occasions throughout the week.
• Notorious Ph.D. [write a conference paper]: Make an outline
• NWGirl [Revise one dissertation chapter into a book chapter]: research in archives
• Opsimathphd [turning a dissertation chapter into an article]: 500 words per day mode, with the help of some additional reading
• Salimata [write a conference paper]: 300 words/day for 5 days
• Scatterwriter [revise three chapters of book]: 1) finish skimming the book from last week; 2) go through introduction and cut out anything superfluous; 3) think about how best to restructure the introduction
• Scholasticamama [Transform a conference paper into an article]: Complete the planned 500 words
• Sisyphus [polish the rough draft of my article and send it out]: read and incorporate the ILLs.
• Sophylou: [finish revisions on an article and prepare it for submission]: write the 500-word abstract
• Stemi [Complete and send off a review article ]: add Q*12 new words to the outline/draft document
• Susan [write a 7000 word commissioned essay]: incorporate ILL reading; maybe a full draft by next weekend?
• Undine/Not of General Interest [Finish nearly done chapter and complete another]: 1500 words on big project
• Zcat abroad/Kiwimedievalist [write an article]: do some free-writing in an attempt to refocus

Week 6 Absences (some of these are planned-and-announced absences, but keeping track of two types of absences is getting complicated and might result in undeserved drops. So if your name appears here even though you announced your upcoming absence, rest assured that the only reason you will be dropped is if you miss two in a row):

• Adelaide [write a conference paper]: (absent to visit parents)
• Digger [write two book chapters]: (absent for family visit)
• Dr. Virago [draft a 7500-word essay for a contracted publication]: (absent while lacking internet access; pre-reported a goal for week seven of 750 new words)
• Kris [write up a “full” paper and cut down to a 15-minute conference presenation]
• Lucie: [Complete a full draft of the PhD thesis]
• Marie [finish turning paper into journal article]
• Merryweather [write conference paper]
• Mike [write ch. 2 of dissertation]
• Trapped in Canadia [draft two chapters of the dissertation]: (absent for conferece travel)
• Viola [writing an introduction and a chapter for thesis]

This is the thing that has been turning my scowls to giggles

I did not make this. I don't know who did. A friend sent me the link last week. And in a Month of Many Meetings, it seems like just the thing to keep me from taking this all too seriously:




Happy Wednesday, Everyone!

Another Tuesday

...finds me paying for a weekend of sloth. Not the kind where you think, "Well, I needed a day (or two) to just decompress." No, this was the kind of deep and prolonged sloth that has you feeling just sick about yourself, yet seems impossible to break out of.

I've tagged this post "procrastination," but even that is too dignified to describe my weekend. Procrastination implies that you did something. Saturday, I did go out for some recreation. But my couch caught hold of me sometime Sunday afternoon. And the only reason that I got off the couch and put on shoes yesterday was for a brief social engagement with friends at 8 p.m. Seriously: I spent from 8 to 8 on the couch. About an hour of that was spent working. Torpor soaked into my brain like black sludge.

Then, because of guilt, I got home from the social engagement at 11 and worked until 2. and then got 5 1/2 hours of sleep. And got up. And I'm trying to focus on what I can get done this day, rather than what I didn't get done over the past four.

((deep breath))

Here goes...

Celebrating Another Young Relative

(First off: yes, week six of the writing group is up.)

I love being a crazy auntie. It's like having rental kids without all the difficulties of ownership. And I've talked a lot in the past about my eight year-old nephew B., who is crazy, exhausting, imaginative, frustrating, and excellent.

But today is niece T.'s ninth birthday, so this is her day.

I don't talk about T. much, but it's not because she's not worth bragging about. It's because she reminds me so much of myself at that age (though she has tons more self-confidence than I ever had at her age) that I feel like I'm talking about myself, which feels weird.

T. is by turns a silly kid and way more serious than most of my university students. If you read to her, she appears to be scowling. I used to worry about this, until I figured out that this was her "intense concentration" look. When I go back to Puddletown and we have "her" day, in which we can do Anything! She! Wants!, she picks things like the art museum, local historic attraction, or bookstore (I keep waiting for the day she says "zoo!" or "beach!", but that has yet to happen). Last August, when we went to the bookstore, she said, "Aunt Notorious... What's a novel?" I told her, then asked why. "My teacher says I should start reading novels, so maybe we can get one." She takes her hot chocolate made with soy milk, likes broccoli, and enjoys learning how to do things like cross her eyes (the teaching of which skills are traditionally left to the Spinster Aunt). She can also totally rock a pair of boots.

In the last year, she has learned to use chopsticks, gone to her first sleepaway summer camp, and dealt with being left to entertain herself while her parents worked with the two much more labor-intensive foster babies.

Happy Birthday, T. Auntie Notorious thinks you are awesome, and will only continue to get greater with every passing year.

Writing group week six: Calvinball! (or: Letting Go of a Rule or Two)

Welcome to Week Six!

All right, so if you're still with us, congratulations on reaching the halfway point! But there's a danger in halfway points, and that's that you hit a slump. You're far from the beginning when everything was anticipation and possibility, but far from the end where fear and panic will push you. Worse yet, many of the things that were working to get you going or motivated might have stopped working.

Ack! What to do? Well, to take ADM's marathon metaphor in another direction: Maybe it's time for a game of Calvinball.

For those of you remember the now-defunct but truly wonderful comic Calvin and Hobbes, Calvinball is a "sport" where you make up the rules as you go along. It's not structured, but it looks fun.

So here's something to think about if you're in a slump: change one thing this week – something that isn't working for you right now. New writing schedule? New location? Freewriting rather than outlining (or vice-versa)? Sleeping an extra hour so you can write better, even if you start later? This might just be a one-week change, but it might be a way to shake things up for you, and get you excited again.

And hey, if things are working for you, then keep things as they are – if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

The only rule that I'm going to ask you to keep to is to report in with your progress, and set a goal for next week.

(And just a note: I'm going to be traveling a bit this weekend, so I'll be giving feedback, but probably just once a day, at the end of the day.)

Have fun this week!

• Adelaide [write a conference paper]: mostly offline, so anything is a bonus
• Amcalm25/AMChristensen [finish an article]: at least 40 minutes/5 days of writing this week
• Amstr [revise and resubmit an article]: 1) add argument-related sentences to the beginning and end of each paragraph; 2) write a lame intro that gives some space to critical context; 3) tighten up the lame intro into passable; 4) 4 articles and 2 books: read/skim, annotate, possibly incorporate
• Another Damned Medievalist [write/revise a close-to-final draft of an article]: re-look at books, compare patterns in data, look at problems and comment on how gender contributes to them, with luck, turn this into 500 words by Friday. (bonus goal)
• Belledamesansmerci/Elizabeth [transform a conference paper into a journal article]: traveling for family stuff
• Bitterandjaded/Bittergrrl [finishing a dissertation chapter]: 1) 2000 words on the work I just read. 2) Meet with my adviser to talk about the direction the chapter is going in.
• Cly(temnestra) [write a book chapter]: very rough draft of chapter, work out a plan
• Contingent Cassandra [complete a full draft of a journal article]: focus on reading
• Dame Eleanor Hull [complete a chapter of the article-turned-book]: Finish revising fellowship application and send it; if there is time, list what the chapter still needs
• Digger [write two book chapters]: Zero Draft of Why Wheels 3/7 days
• Dr. Crazy [Finish a chapter draft begun this summer]: VACATION!!
• Dr. Virago [draft a 7500-word essay for a contracted publication]: 500-600 words, but may not be able to check in
• Erika [write a complete & final draft of an article already underway]: write 30 minutes / day at minimum, and even better at 250-350 words / day.
• Evan [write a conference paper]: no precise writing goal [deadlines shifted? -- ADM]
• Forthright [write two article-length pieces]: 400-500 words a day and check in more to help out in comments [Forthright, that would be so amazingly awesome! -- ADM]
• Frogprincess [Final draft of the dissertation]: finish revisions for chapters 1 and 3.
• Good Enough Woman [write a solid draft of a dissertation chapter]: Finish the 30 primary sources pages I didn’t do this week, read two chapters of Descartes, and write the first 500 hundred words of the new chapter, just to start seeing where my mind is.
• Gillian [3 chapters of my dissertation]: Finish research on 1/2 of next chapter
• Heu Mihi [write paper for a faculty colloquium]: FINISH the Latin, look at that German book that’s in my office and determine its relevance, and begin converting part 3′s notes into paragraphs.
• Highlyeccentric/nakedphilologist [Draft two thesis chapters]:gain with the process goal, some work every day; and hopefully to add at least 1000 words to the draft (2 if lucky).
• Janice/jliedl [write a first draft of a chapter]: take notes from three more research sources.
• Jennifer [finish writing a neglected article]: My goal for this week is to write 500 new words and to read 3 new articles.
• Katrin/StitchInTime [Do we have an overall goal for you?] read through one book, return at least five
• Kris [write up a “full” paper and cut down to a 15-minute conference presenation]: taking week off
• Lucie: [Complete a full draft of the PhD thesis]: 500 words a day, starting my day with writing. Sticking with this every day and not having any day completely lost.
• Marie [finish turning paper into journal article]: clean up what’s been written.
• Matilda [revise a paper into a journal article]: again, reviewing the related literature following the week 5 section of WYJA; 500 +words of my draft.
• Merryweather [write conference paper]: another 2000 words by the end of this coming week, or ideally a total 3500
• Mike [write ch. 2 of dissertation]: Gather everything for part II and re-read take notes.
• Monks and Bones [turn a seminar paper into an article]: work on project five days; get myself to a point with my data-crunching where I’ll be ready to start doing some preliminary writing the following week
• Notorious Ph.D. [write a conference paper]: Go through law codes
• Opsimathphd [turning a dissertation chapter into an article]: work on the argumentby writing at least 500 words every day
• Scatterwriter [revise three chapters of book]: continue trying to cut down my mammoth Chapter 1, and skim a recently published source to see if any new ideas need to be incorporated into this chapter.
• Scholasticamama [Transform a conference paper into an article]: write 500 words -- in the rain, on a plane, in a box, with a fox, in a car, in a tree... the words will be so good, you see!
• Sisyphus [polish the rough draft of my article and send it out]: incorporate all the stuff from ILL
• Sophylou: [finish revisions on an article and prepare it for submission]: format according to submission guidelines
• Stemi [Complete and send off a review article ]: 1) At least 30 minutes writing or reading on project, 4 of 7 days. 2) 500 new words in outline/draft document.
• Susan [write a 7000 word commissioned essay]: Filling in gaps and beginning revisions
• Trapped in Canadia [draft two chapters of the dissertation]: finish this chapter, outline my chapter on Jacobite women, and start reviewing my research for the Jacobite women chapter [may not be able to check in]
• Undine/Not of General Interest [Finish nearly done chapter and complete another]: finish 1000-word review
• Viola [writing an introduction and a chapter for thesis]: edit per my supervisor’s advice and to continue fleshing out my overall project for a meeting
• Zcat abroad/Kiwimedievalist [write an article]: finish revising article for re-submission

Week 5 Absences:

• Antikate [revise a conference paper into an article & submit]
• Britomart [completing a draft of dissertation introduction]
• Inafuturelife [transform seminar paper into a conference paper]
• Jamilajamison [finish writing the M.A. thesis]
• Luolin [finish and submit an article]
• NWGirl [Revise one dissertation chapter into a book chapter]
• Salimata [write a conference paper]
• Synecdoche [Finish conference paper]

A variation on the cute & fluffy theme of the previous post:

My friend Voice of Reason appreciated the intent of the gift of puppies, but pointed out that this was not a universally applicable gift, as not all people facing stress care for puppies or dogs of any kind. So for those of you out there who feel this way, I give you the following alternative:

For VoR's comfort and convenience, I have made these kittehs hypoallergenic.

As I explained to VoR, this version of the soothing thought is actually a double gift: not only do you have the soothing fluffy cuteness; if your life/work/institution/government goes from mildly frustrating straight to Hell, you've already got the handbasket for transportation!

Heartless?

Today, writing another set of e-mails to students who had not cited their sources, or had not submitted copies to the website, or who missed the conference appointments last week and needed to schedule one this week, I found myself thinking of how much easier my job would be if I didn't make endless accommodations, and could bring myself to just slap a zero on those puppies and move on.

Puppies. Let's think about that for a moment....


Ah. I'm feeling much better now.

Writing Group, Week Five -- Git on over!

The writing group is up. I'm not signed in yet, because I'm determined to finish my goals this week, so I've extended "this week" into the weekend. But I'll see you all there shortly!

Want to (legally) beat your spouse? Move to Topeka!

Well, actually, you could move to most anywhere in Shawnee County, whose district court, due to lack of resources, no longer prosecutes domestic violence cases, and instead mandates that the (equally cash-strapped) municipalities prosecute them. But Topeka, so far as we know, is the only such municipality contemplating politically pushing back by actually decriminalizing domestic violence entirely, as part of a move to kick back all misdemeanor prosecutions to the state.

I'm not entirely sure what to say about this. What I'm not going to engage in is some knee-jerk Midwest-bashing. I lived in the Midwest on two occasions for a total of over 8 years of my adult life -- long enough to know that every part of the country has good people and bad ones, and most are a mix of both, just trying to get by. But still... on first reading, all I could do was make inarticulate noises in the back of my throat. And even on deeper thought, I'm going to be unable to form a coherent essay with a thesis statement (other than this). So here are my bullet points:

• Budget cuts are bad. Our public resources are strained. But is telling a person who has been brutally beaten by her or his spouse or partner that such conduct is no longer prosecutable where they live really the most sensible way to save money?
• Perhaps Topeka is trying to use this as a lever: "Budget cuts have forced us to immediately release batterers, who statistics show will most likely repeat their behavior. We don't want to do this. This is putting human lives on the line. So we need more resources, or we need counties and the state to step up. We're sending a political message on behalf of women!" But in the real world, messages don't mean shit when you're living in constant fear in your home, if you're not in a hospital bed or in the ground.
• And of the many things that counties and states have shoved off on municipalities (just as the federal government offloads its responsibilities onto the states), why is it women* whose bodies are being put on the line?
• That was a rhetorical question.
• Poverty and frustration with long-term unemployment increases the incidence of domestic violence (especially male-on-female domestic violence). There are complex cultural reasons for it tied up with American notions of masculinity. But the point is that the same massive long-term recession that is behind this move to decriminalize domestic violence is simultaneously going to cause rates of domestic violence to double or triple. So protections for women are disappearing at a time when they are likely to need them more than ever.
  
• The Topeka mayor assures his constituents that anyone who thinks that decriminalizing domestic violence means that said violence will go unpunished is "dead wrong." How, precisely, will punishment be effected if it's no longer a prosecutable offense in the municipal code, and if the D.A. has already taken a pass?
• Why the actual fuck is domestic battery only a misdemeanor? Here's an idea, Topeka: go ahead and save money by refusing to prosecute misdemeanors (not an ideal solution, granted), but legally bundle that decision with another one to reclassify domestic battery as a felony.**

Enough. The upshot is that the Topeka city council is seriously considering making it no longer a prosecutable offense to beat somebody up… as long as it's somebody who lives under your own roof. This is making me sick.

UPDATED: I've just written a professionally-worded e-mail to the Topeka City Council. Their general contact info, as well as contact info for the mayor and individual council members, can be found here. I encourage people to get involved however you see fit. As a suggestion: bear in mind that the most effective political communication is concise, to-the-point, and avoids ad hominem attacks. (So, yes: I wrote them under my real name and took out the swears...)


*Yes, I know that women are not the only victims of domestic violence, and I know that men are not the only perpetrators. But since 84% of spouse abuse victims were females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abuse at were female, I'm gonna go with the argument that women are the ones being treated as expendable here.

**Joel, who knows about such things, notes that the power to do this does not lie with the municipalities. Fair enough. But I still maintain my original outraged question: Why the actual fuck is domestic battery only a misdemeanor -- in Topeka, or the state, or anywhere, for that matter?

The thing I actually said to my students in class yesterday

...after the fourth incredibly long pause in which I waited for someone to speak up in discussion:*

"There's something you need to know about me. Every morning, I practice twenty minutes of silent meditation. I also practice yoga 4-5 times a week. So not only can I outlast you in sitting here without saying a word; I can do it standing on one leg."


*To be fair, this class is not normally like this. But yesterday appeared to be the day that everybody figured that someone else would do the reading and talking. And for what it's worth, they laughed. But I think they'll come prepared next time.

Happy Dance!!!

It's payday!!!


It is, in fact, entirely possible that a tenured person in her forties should not still be living paycheck to paycheck. But hell, I've never known anything else, so it's not like I'm feeling the lack. Besides, think of that monthly rush of joy I'd be missing!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm headed out to the bank...