(a) I love Exotic Research City! And I have so much still to do in the archives! How is it that it's almost time to go home?!? When am I going to get a chance to have lunch with X and Y and Z?
(b) I am so ready to be home. I need to write a paper for Kalamazoo. I want to be back in my own bed. I want to ride my bike. I miss my friends.
But this morning, a switch flipped: I am officially Ready to Go Home.
It's not that none of part (a) is true anymore. It's all still very true. But somehow, today I was just Done.
So now I'm sitting at a table in the archive, writing this post and doing things like transcribing documents and entering bibliography that I could just as easily do at home. There are archive collections to be explored, and I feel more than a little guilty that I'm not taking fuller advantage of my final week here. But I just… I can't anymore. Really. I'm not out playing -- I'm just marking time.
Please tell me this is fine and right and normal?
shot in grit city, about a month before my departure
13 comments:
I also get to a point in my archival work where I slow down and just don't want to start anything new. I know I won't be able to finish it, and undone will drive me crazy, so I poke around in the archives to get an idea of what to do next so that I can write up some grant to get back.
YES! anon, this is EXACTLY what's going on with me. That, and guilt that I didn't get more accomplished, but I'm not starting new things.
Yeesh.
But I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.
This always happens to me, too. My brain can only process so much archival work. Plus, I think it's one of the perks of our profession/discipline that we get to visit Exotic Research Cities, so I see no shame in enjoying them. And then there's just the desire to be back home. So I know exactly what you mean when you say you're done.
Of course it's fine and normal. As fun and exciting as it is to be in a different place and to be getting shit done, everyone reaches the point where they want to go home. That's why we call it "home"!
Yes, it seems perfectly normal to me, too.
I'm very impressed with how disciplined you seem to have been while there! I would totally slack off the last week -- and not even feel guilty!
Indeed it's completely normal - you've been there for so long already! Have fun this last week and enjoy the thought of going home!!
I think doing a little pre-conaissance research as Anonymous suggested is the very best use of your time this week. Other than than, party on, Garth.
I have three archive days left, and I am so ready to be done. Everything about the archive annoys me--from the staff to the patrons to the temperature (so. freaking.cold.) I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who gets this way at the end of a research trip. I think I'll sleep in tomorrow and maybe have a late breakfast . . .
Yes: this happens to me every time I do an archival trip. I think it has to do with the intensity of focus that you have to maintain for so long when you're only in a place for a limited amount of time.
All this is very comforting, because on my last research trip, I hit the wall one week before I needed to leave... so I even gave self time off, and left early to explore another place. It was lovely. Except for the guilt.
I also have a 'Done' switch, so it isn't just an historians thing! I think we can only concentrate on and absorb so much newness without time to digest it all. At least, that's what I tell myself when I'm DONE and can't wait to get home!
Reading this makes me wonder if we are ever free of guilt. Guilt about not doing enough during sabbatical. Guilt about not doing enough for students. Guilt about not doing some service thing we're supposed to be doing. Guilt about not giving enough time to family/friends. I think maybe I'm always feeling guilty about something. Is this true of people in other professions? Is it true of men in ours?
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